trigger warning! ⚠️

For years and years and years I've simulated various ways to end myself. All of them are either scary or not sufficiently efficient. The least efficient of all seems to be the slitting of the wrists. Why do people do it? Maybe if one finds and pops and bunch of blood thinners and then does the deed? Even then, you've got to wait. Such a waste of time. And yet, as though programmed, when I'm distressed enough that ideation is triggered, like now (over something trivial I'm sure in retrospect, it is always a snowball effect) the first thing the mind chooses is the wrist slitting. So stupid. And so risky. Imagine attempting and surviving. Ugh, life will be he'll afterwards. The constant vigilance, no one taking you seriously and reduced freedoms. I will never ever ever ever succumb. But if ever I do, it will be a a sure shot deed. But there is no such method, so there will be no attempt. Ever.